Separation and divorce can, for many, be a longer road than expected. For those couples who are engaged in litigation in the Family Courts, statistically, their case will take about 2 years to reach a final hearing.
There is then often a wait until the Judge’s decision is published (it’s not like you see on TV, where the outcome is pronounced ‘on the day’).
This timeline can be extended further if one of the parties appeals the Judge’s decision. In some cases, therefore, to navigate from the starting gates to the finish line is a 3 or 4 year journey. When a case is measured by how many Christmases have passed by, it can feel like it has been a pretty life-altering experience.
Even in cases determined outside of Court, the timeline can be stretched due to lead times while:
- Financial records of a business are updated
- An asset such as a business is valued by an expert
- Pivotal tax or accounting advice is received
- A key issue at large in the case is examined
Even when everyone is cooperative and working towards the same common goal, the journey to having a final and binding agreement can be anywhere between 6 and 24 months. That is, by anyone’s standards, a significant chunk of time.
Life does not stop during separation
As cases play out, a lot of energy is expended.
That is because life is still ‘going on’ around the separation and any litigation – employment commitments still need to be fulfilled, businesses still need to be run, debts still need to be serviced, and bills still need to be paid.
Add on the responsibility of giving instructions to lawyers, gathering financial documents, and attending legal meetings or Court events/mediations, and it can feel like a heavy commitment. In fact, it can feel pretty draining when you have your family law matter on your mind as you go about your day to day life.
Without taking positive steps to preserve our wellbeing, most of us will not be able to get out the other side of our family law situation with our sanity intact. It is just too much to deal with on top of all that life demands of us. So, how do we build resilience to allow us to go the distance?
Step one: take a true break
Take time away from your family law situation.
Make it an entire week off – a ‘blackout’ period – where you will not speak to your spouse about it, you will not contact your lawyer about it, you will not read or answer any correspondence about it, and you will not do any legwork in relation to it. This is a time for respite, to give your mind a break.
Let your lawyer know what you are doing, so that they can hold their communications with you for that week.
Be strict and keep your distance from your divorce for the whole week. Fear not, it will still be waiting for you in 7 days’ time.
Step two: use the time to restore yourself
Treat yourself during that time.
If you can get away to the beach or the mountains, do so.
If you are staying at home, plan a few nice things – a trip to the beach, a visit to the day spa, some exercise, an afternoon on the sofa with some books and movies – some ‘you’ time, to just ‘be’.
This is how you re-stock the resources you have spent.
Step three: plan your breaks in advance
Plan out these blackout periods in advance.
If 12 months seems like a reasonable time to work through your case, then plan a blackout period every 3 months, or after big events in your case, such as a court event or mediation. You are consciously reserving this time for yourself, to ensure that you actually do it.
Why it matters
If you can recharge in this way, you are not only bringing your best self to problem-solving in your case; you are putting emotional fuel in the tank sufficient to get through the process without it wearing you down.
After all, while you navigate your separation and divorce, you will be making some of the most important decisions in life, and for your future, so it is crucial to be in the best frame of mind for your decision-making.
